i think i have two assholes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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