I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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