foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
