also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
