Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
