Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
