about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
