Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
only if we run a train.
done.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
