did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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