Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize