Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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