so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
