You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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