I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
