walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
