Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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