He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
