We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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