Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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