Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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