shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
