Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
