I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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