I wanna bring you to show and tell
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
