i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so let's talk penis.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
