he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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