i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
