You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We are all done wearing pants today
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
