i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
