I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
