I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
