Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize