my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sobbing to NWA
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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