I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
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I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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