dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.