im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.