I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap