I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me