i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.