Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."