it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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