Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
