She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
