Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
