if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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