i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
