Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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