I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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