And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
