wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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