i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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