Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
