The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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