dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
