"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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