His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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