So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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