Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
even my farts smell like vagina
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
