i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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