So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
