I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
