I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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