if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
