I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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