i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize