I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
