I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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