Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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