she woke up with a sticky ear
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.