Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.