I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.