How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?