she woke up with a sticky ear
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
